busy bee.

first harvests.

new friends. 

a whole lotta farming time. 

goats. 

puppies.

goat walks.

garlic.

more goats.

farming attire, sense of humor, messy house.

everything is slightly unfinished these days.  no time to be still.  all the time in the world to soak up the sun and get dirty.  life is good- but who's going to clean my house?  mend the clothes waiting patiently?  organize the piles of papers that i think i am suppose to keep?

if it decides to rain again, it may just have to be me.  

things are so sunny these days...

the sun has been shining bright in portland.  both literally and figuratively.  three mornings in a row now i have woken up before my alarm to the sparkling early light peaking in the windows and the birds singing in the back yard.  it feels SO good to find a rhythm again.  it has been so long.  i am happiest when i wake up on my own, early enough to have many hours of the day ahead of me.

im realizing how much weight has been liften off of my mind.  and how i am truly finding my purpose. the beginning of 2013 was dark and exhausting.  i was working a job that wasn't fulfilling, and struggling with wanting but not having.  i was being suffocated by it all.  stifled.  my patience was being tested and tried and pushed daily.  i don't work well like that.  i was getting hives all the time, and becoming a hermit.  i didn't want to do anything but hang out with pat and arlo and clean the house.  i wasn't moving forward.  i was stuck in transition.

here we are, the latter half of april, and life is a whole lotta fun.  let me digress.  i have, for years, really admired people who used their bodies in unbelievable ways.  for instance, i left a cirque du soleil show once feeling like i totally under utilized my body- we are built to do amazing things and i didn't know what my body was built for.  i never felt like i was living my life to it's best.  and i believe that if i was able to find that job.  purpose.  then i would feel that way.  i wouldn't feel like i was just existing, i would feel like i was truly living.  i don't think that i am explaining this well.   and my grammatical tense in this digression is all over the place...

anyways.  to digress a little further- i have always despised my calves.  they are thick.  i do not have slender lady calves.  i never have- i played soccer all my life and had strong, muscular legs.  which was great for soccer.  but now, i just have thick legs.  and i can never find boots that fit my legs. it is what it is.  i got over it.  and now don't look for boots, and rock long maxi dresses all summer.

during a recent visit with my naturopath (whom i adore) she was talking about a pair of boots that she admired on a previous patient and how she was excited because they looked like a wider calf and they may actually fit her.   i was so excited to hear someone else with the same thick calf problem.  and being the amazing person that she is, she totally put it all into perspective for me.  she said "we have thick calves because we need to!  we hailed from people who worked in the fields and carried our babies all the time and farmed!  we are strong women, we wouldn't have survived with slender lady calves"  or something like that.  and now.  i refer to my calves as "homestead calves."

are you making the connection?  am i making any sense?  i finally found a job that my body is built for!!!  my strong body is built for farming, i rock the broad fork and haul dirt and wield the rogue hoe like i was born to.  the best part?  it doesn't feel like work.  after 8 hours of it, my body is so happy.  sore, of course.  but happy.  fulfilled.  grounded.  no more hives.  i get to do what i love now.

seasoned's spring issue is out!

oh hi!  i am so excited to announce that i finally gathered the courage to write a recipe down and submit it for publishing.  and i couldn't have found a better  quarterly to work with!  it was a little scary to send my recipe out into the world.  what if it doesn't taste good?  i mean, pat and i ate the heck out of it over and over again.  so it's gotta be good, right?

the quarterly is called 'Seasoned' and it. is. beautiful.  there is art that i want to tear out and line the walls of my house with, recipes that sound delicious- even if i won't eat them all, and stories that are so heartfelt and well written.  you can read all about it here.  julie, the editor of the quarterly, writes one of my favorite blogs.  she is real.  such a down to earth mama, cooker, farmer, woman.  i dig her and her perspective on this world.  and her photographs... they capture something special, that's for sure.

i bought the winter edition and knew that it was something grand, and i wanted to be a part of it.  i HIGHLY recommend buying the print edition, while it is a little more expensive, this is the kind of work that you want in your hands.  your computer will not do it justice.  with that said, but the digital if that's all you can afford.  here is julie's announcement of the spring edition, along with a giveaway!

you can go right here to preview and buy the quarterly.  i am on page 34- which just happen's to be my favorite number!

ok enough of my gushing, go buy your copy :)

whats growing.

oooooh garlic.

hey radish's.

peas and potatoes please.

rhubarb!

apple blossoms and dandelions.

the pictures aren't so great of what is going on in the garden these days.  but i am really needing to keep track of what is doing what when.  recording in a garden journal sounds like a great idea.  and i do have many empty notebooks.  but.  it still hasn't happened.  so those pictures up there are my attempt at keeping track of how things are looking this nearly ides of april!

on another note:

turns out i LOVE being a cashier.  my job is to make people happy.  chat them up, talk about food.  help them out.  yes. please.  the customers are great.  my coworkers are great.  i feel like a new person.  teaching was wearing on me.  turns out, i was NOT cut out for it.  and i am so o.k. with that.

yay for things being easier.

new things.

i entered into 2013 hoping and wishing for new things to happen in our lives. i put a whole lot of hope and positive energy into the universe- knowing it would have to pay off eventually. well sure as shit (sorry!) after a miserable february and a mediocre march- april stormed in with two dreams coming true. i am now a cashier at new seasons market (a local food store) and a farmer! the transition has been exhausting, juggling last days of teaching with training days at new seasons and first days farming. things are starting to smooth out, slow down, and find a rhythm.

changing things up around here.

while i am not able to make it happen at the moment (insert frustration with google's servers) i have finally settled on a new name for my blog!  and with that, i have registered my very own domain name to go with it.  i am pretty proud of myself, but still have absolutely no idea what "domain" name means.  or what a "dns" is.  or what any of it means, really.  imagine me, sitting at my kitchen table, with no less than 8 tabs open on my browser window, trying desperately to translate all of these words to a familiar language that simple allows me to do what i thought would happen 20 mins ago with one click.  

yes.  that is confusing.  

i'm working on a new banner.  thankfully my darling husband is a photoshop professional :)  

stay tuned!

moving on... moving along.

*happy sunny dog*

i think my mind is ready for a small reprieve from all this development stuff.  i feel like i am constantly working things through, working things out.  maybe it's because i've chosen to be aware of it all.  i wouldn't change that, but just would like things to be boring for a little while... 

i *quit* soccer last week.  i had been playing indoor soccer since august and was lovin it.  i say quit because part of me still feels like i gave up.  and quitting has a negative connotation.  and i like to judge my self sometimes.  but really?  the session was over and i decided not to join for the next one.  i realized that i was making all sorts of scheduling compromises in my life to keep being able to play- giving up other things that bring me FAR more joy.  and that is where the 'working things out' process comes into play.  i sat for a week and thought real hard about why i was playing.  

what it was doing for me.  was it bringing love and light into my life?  

do i have room for extra curricular's that don't do that for me?  

no and no.  

i have come to the conclusion that i was am still trying to find myself.  i used to play soccer.  4 seasons a year.  for almost 15 years of my life.  my brother and i lived for it.  we were both decent, competitive players.  it was a large part of my identity.  as i realized that we wouldn't be having kids as soon as i had wanted,  i started to fill my life with things to do.  to bring me love a light.  that's how i started clogging.  yes, appalachian clogging.  it is more than amazing.   and soccer was a natural choice for me, as i had spent half my life living for it.  

turns out, i am not competitive anymore.  i don't have it in me.  it makes me anxious and annoyed to play with a group of grown ups who get in fights and i have to step in between and shove a grown ass man away from another player on my team until he gets red carded and kicked out of the game.  phew.  that was a lot.  it took a terrible altercation a few weeks ago, with a really mean woman who made me cry, to realize some things should just be left as they are.  i WAS a passionate soccer player.  and it WAS my life.  and now, i love quieter, calmer, grounding hobbies.  and that is ok.  and that doesn't mean that when my kids want to play soccer i won't be able to coach them.  if i so desire.  

i would much rather spend my time in overalls, brandishing a chainsaw:

 

farming apprenticeship starts in one week.  i can't hardly wait.