the sun has been shining bright in portland. both literally and figuratively. three mornings in a row now i have woken up before my alarm to the sparkling early light peaking in the windows and the birds singing in the back yard. it feels SO good to find a rhythm again. it has been so long. i am happiest when i wake up on my own, early enough to have many hours of the day ahead of me.
im realizing how much weight has been liften off of my mind. and how i am truly finding my purpose. the beginning of 2013 was dark and exhausting. i was working a job that wasn't fulfilling, and struggling with wanting but not having. i was being suffocated by it all. stifled. my patience was being tested and tried and pushed daily. i don't work well like that. i was getting hives all the time, and becoming a hermit. i didn't want to do anything but hang out with pat and arlo and clean the house. i wasn't moving forward. i was stuck in transition.
here we are, the latter half of april, and life is a whole lotta fun. let me digress. i have, for years, really admired people who used their bodies in unbelievable ways. for instance, i left a cirque du soleil show once feeling like i totally under utilized my body- we are built to do amazing things and i didn't know what my body was built for. i never felt like i was living my life to it's best. and i believe that if i was able to find that job. purpose. then i would feel that way. i wouldn't feel like i was just existing, i would feel like i was truly living. i don't think that i am explaining this well. and my grammatical tense in this digression is all over the place...
anyways. to digress a little further- i have always despised my calves. they are thick. i do not have slender lady calves. i never have- i played soccer all my life and had strong, muscular legs. which was great for soccer. but now, i just have thick legs. and i can never find boots that fit my legs. it is what it is. i got over it. and now don't look for boots, and rock long maxi dresses all summer.
during a recent visit with my naturopath (whom i adore) she was talking about a pair of boots that she admired on a previous patient and how she was excited because they looked like a wider calf and they may actually fit her. i was so excited to hear someone else with the same thick calf problem. and being the amazing person that she is, she totally put it all into perspective for me. she said "we have thick calves because we need to! we hailed from people who worked in the fields and carried our babies all the time and farmed! we are strong women, we wouldn't have survived with slender lady calves" or something like that. and now. i refer to my calves as "homestead calves."
are you making the connection? am i making any sense? i finally found a job that my body is built for!!! my strong body is built for farming, i rock the broad fork and haul dirt and wield the rogue hoe like i was born to. the best part? it doesn't feel like work. after 8 hours of it, my body is so happy. sore, of course. but happy. fulfilled. grounded. no more hives. i get to do what i love now.